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Articles from Rick Hanson | Selfgrowth.com
- Remember the Big Things - by Submitted on Jan 18, 2021 from Rick HansonIn every life, reminders arrive about what's really important. I’ve received some myself, as I’m sure you have, too. Perhaps it was news of a potentially serious health problem, the death of a loved one, or an accident that could have turned fatal. These are uncomfortably concrete message ...
Views: 6 - Rest - by Submitted on Jan 11, 2021 from Rick HansonThis practice is definitely a case of teaching what you need to learn: I've been working through a big bucket of tasks lately with little chance to rest. (I console myself with knowing that the bucket is emptying a lot faster than it's filling with new tasks.) Sometimes you can really feel ...
Views: 34 - Relax, You've Arrived - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2021 from Rick HansonPart of this comes from our biological nature. To survive, animals – including us – have to be goal-directed, leaning into the future. It’s certainly healthy to pursue wholesome aims, like paying the rent on time, raising children well, healing old pain, or improving education. But it’s ...
Views: 59 - See Your Part - by Submitted on Dec 28, 2020 from Rick HansonIn situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty – tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants . . . the usual crud – it’s natural to focus on what others have done that’s problematic. This could be useful for a while: it can energize you, highlight what you most care ...
Views: 42 - Drop the Case - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2020 from Rick HansonLately I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that ...
Views: 55 - Make Good Bargains - by Submitted on Dec 14, 2020 from Rick HansonLife is full of tradeoffs between benefits and costs. Sometimes, the benefits are worth the costs. For example, the rewards of going for a run - getting out in fresh air, improving health, etc. - are, for me at least, worth the costs of losing half an hour of work time while gaining a pair of ...
Views: 59 - Receive Faces - by Submitted on Dec 07, 2020 from Rick HansonAs our ancestors evolved over millions of years in small bands, continually interacting and working with each other, it was vitally important to communicate in hundreds of ways each day. They shared information about external "carrots" and "sticks," and about their internal experience (e.g., ...
Views: 70 - Hold Wants Lightly - by Submitted on Nov 30, 2020 from Rick HansonGetting caught up in wanting - wanting both to get what's pleasant and to avoid what's unpleasant - is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others. First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag - such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and ...
Views: 83 - Embrace Fragility - by Submitted on Nov 23, 2020 from Rick HansonThe truth of anything is like a mosaic with many tiles, many parts. One part of the truth of things is that they are robust and enduring, whether it's El Capitan in Yosemite or the love of a child for her mother and father. Another part of the truth is that things bruise, tear, erode, ...
Views: 91 - Try Being Less Serious - by Submitted on Nov 16, 2020 from Rick HansonOn the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight. What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and ...
Views: 112 - See Progress - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2020 from Rick HansonThere are always things that are getting worse. For example, over the past year, you probably know someone who has become unemployed or ill or both, and there’s more carbon in the atmosphere inexorably heating up the planet. But if you don’t recognize what’s improving in your own life, then ...
Views: 94 - Trust in love - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2020 from Rick HansonTake a breath right now, and notice how abundant the air is, full of life-giving oxygen offered freely by trees and other green growing things. You can't see air, but it's always available for you. Love is a lot like the air. It may be hard to see - but it's in you and all around you. In ...
Views: 98 - Don't Rain on the Parade - by Submitted on Oct 26, 2020 from Rick HansonLet's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, or thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. ...
Views: 84 - Receive Generosity - by Submitted on Oct 19, 2020 from Rick HansonLife gives to each one of us in so many ways. For starters, there’s the bounty of the senses – including chocolate chip cookies, jasmine, sunsets, wind singing through pine trees, and just getting your back scratched. What does life give you? Consider the kindness of friends and family, ...
Views: 116 - Speak Wisely - by Submitted on Oct 12, 2020 from Rick Hanson"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Ah, not really. Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ...
Views: 96 - Minimize Painful Experiences - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2020 from Rick HansonPainful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time. But is there really any shortage of ...
Views: 95 - Don't Be Intimidated - by Submitted on Sep 28, 2020 from Rick HansonHumans evolved to be fearful since anxiety helped keep our ancestors alive. Consequently, we are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.” This vulnerability to feeling threatened has effects at many levels, ranging from ...
Views: 123 - Don't Quarrel - by Submitted on Sep 21, 2020 from Rick HansonIt's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels. Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught ...
Views: 128 - Forgive - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2020 from Rick HansonForgiveness is a tricky topic. First, it has two distinct meanings: To give up resentment or anger To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let ...
Views: 148 - Say Thanks - by Submitted on Sep 08, 2020 from Rick HansonWhat do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, an encouraging word. You probably feel seen, appreciated, that you matter to the other person. Maybe a little startled, maybe wondering if you really deserve it, but ...
Views: 135 - Speak Truly - by Submitted on Aug 31, 2020 from Rick HansonIt's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body. In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health - and certainly for the health of your ...
Views: 130 - Relax, You're Going to be Criticized - by Submitted on Aug 24, 2020 from Rick HansonThe title of this practice is a little tongue-in-cheek. What I mean is, most of us - me included - spend time worrying about criticism: past, present, and even future. Yes, try hard, keep agreements, "don't be evil," etc. But sooner or later - usually sooner - someone is going to point out the ...
Views: 144 - Keep Your Eyes on the Prize - by Submitted on Aug 17, 2020 from Rick HansonHave you heard this saying? The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right this minute? The most important things often get pushed to the sidelines. ...
Views: 152 - Give No One Cause To Fear - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2020 from Rick HansonWe evolved to be afraid. The ancient ancestors that were casual and blithely hopeful, underestimating the risks around them - predators, loss of food, aggression from others of their kind - did not pass on their genes. But the ones that were nervous were very successful - and we are their ...
Views: 181 - Put No One Out of Your Heart - by Submitted on Aug 03, 2020 from Rick HansonWe all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who has you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right ...
Views: 156 - Try a Softer Tone - by Submitted on Jul 27, 2020 from Rick HansonLinguists like Deborah Tannen have pointed out that most communications have three elements: Explicit content – “There is no milk in the refrigerator.” Emotional subtext – Could be irritation, blame, accusation Implicit statement about the nature of the relationship – Could be one ...
Views: 139 - See the Good in Others - by Submitted on Jul 20, 2020 from Rick HansonMany interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's ...
Views: 154 - Ask Questions - by Submitted on Jul 13, 2020 from Rick HansonMy dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking." Sure, we often gain by thinking out loud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ...
Views: 131 - Stay Right When You're Wronged - by Submitted on Jul 06, 2020 from Rick HansonIt’s easy to treat people well when they treat you well. The real test is when they treat you badly. (Much of what I say here applies to concerns about injustice or mistreatment that threatens or happens to others, from someone bullying a child to an oppressive government, but I will focus on ...
Views: 121 - Feel Cared About - by Submitted on Jun 29, 2020 from Rick HansonEveryone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected, and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy. On the other hand, you’ve probably had the sense, one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn’t ...
Views: 184 - Speak From The Heart - by Submitted on Jun 22, 2020 from Rick HansonOne Christmas I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated a million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado river. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually ...
Views: 169 - Tune Into Others - by Submitted on Jun 15, 2020 from Rick HansonImagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own. That's a world without ...
Views: 151 - Be Friendly - by Submitted on Jun 08, 2020 from Rick HansonFriendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive. Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, ...
Views: 167 - Have Compassion - by Submitted on Jun 01, 2020 from Rick HansonCompassion is essentially the wish that beings not suffer - from subtle physical and emotional discomfort to agony and anguish - combined with feelings of sympathetic concern. You could have compassion for an individual (a friend in the hospital, a co-worker passed over for a promotion), ...
Views: 180 - See the Person Behind the Eyes - by Submitted on May 25, 2020 from Rick HansonMost of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings, and presents a polished, controlled face to the world. To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time ...
Views: 187 - Tell The Truth, Play Fair - by Submitted on May 11, 2020 from Rick HansonPerhaps like you, I’ve been worrying lately about what it will take for all of us to live together in peace. I remember what I’ve heard many teachers say to their students: Tell the truth. Play fair. This is what we ask our own kids to do. It’s what we look for in a friend, a boss, and a ...
Views: 182 - "Us" All "Thems" - by Submitted on May 04, 2020 from Rick HansonHere are my top five inner practices for helping us to be good for ourselves and others: • Drop the stone • Let it flow • Learn as you go • “Us” all “thems” • Be amazed By “us” all “thems,” I mean finding common ground with every person – especially those you fear or are angry ...
Views: 213 - Learn As You Go - by Submitted on Apr 27, 2020 from Rick HansonBy “learn as you go,” I mean that each day is an opportunity to take in the good: to help useful or enjoyable experiences sink in and become a part of you. Then when you go to sleep, you'll be a little stronger, a little more resilient, a little wiser, a little more loving, a little happier than ...
Views: 215 - See The Big Picture - by Submitted on Apr 20, 2020 from Rick HansonI once went to the movies when it was raining and brought my umbrella. Arriving early, I sat down on a bench to read, then headed to the theater. Suddenly I heard, “Uh, mister!” – and turned to see a teenage boy with a friendly smile running toward me with my umbrella. He didn’t know me but went ...
Views: 206 - Stand Up to Bullies - by Submitted on Apr 13, 2020 from Rick HansonHumans are profoundly social. We spend most of our lives working, eating, sleeping, and playing in groups ranging from two people up to nations and humanity as a whole. Woven through the tapestry of our relationships are several major threads. One of these is power. The only question is, do ...
Views: 263 - Let It Flow - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2020 from Rick HansonI think there are five key things we can do inside ourselves to be happier, stronger, wiser, and more loving this year: Drop the stone Let it flow Learn as you go “Us” all “thems” Be Amazed Drop the stone explored the first of these: how to lay down the burdens of useless ...
Views: 242 - Love What's Real - by Submitted on Mar 30, 2020 from Rick HansonBecause this practice could seem so abstract or so obvious that it’s not worth doing, I am going to take longer than usual to explain why it’s so important. As I grew up, my family and schools felt like shaky ground. I didn’t understand why my parents and many kids reacted the ways they did, ...
Views: 255 - Enjoy The Good That Lasts - by Submitted on Mar 23, 2020 from Rick HansonSo many things change. Leaves fall, friends move away, children leave home. My dad died a year ago, and my mom about ten years before that. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting older (darn, there is no fooling the mirror). The world changes, too. Evolving technologies alter jobs and lives. ...
Views: 233 - Beware Anger - by Submitted on Mar 16, 2020 from Rick HansonAnger is tricky. On the one hand, anger – feeling annoyed, irritated, resentful, fed up, mad, outraged, or enraged – alerts us to real threats, real injuries, and real wrongs that need correcting, and it energizes and fuels us to do something about them. In my family growing up, my parents had ...
Views: 229 - Love Your Neighbor - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2020 from Rick HansonThis practice might sound extreme or pushy, and I want to tell you what I mean by it. Everyone has lots of neighbors, and they come in many shapes and sizes. Obviously the people living across the street are neighbors, but in some sense so are the people you live with. Friends, relatives, ...
Views: 243 - Welcome Joy - by Submitted on Mar 02, 2020 from Rick HansonWhat’s the spark and what’s the fuel? The Practice: Welcome joy. Why? Positive emotions – such as feelings of gratitude, love, and confidence – strengthen the immune system, protect the heart against loss and trauma, build relationships, increase resilience, and promote success. Based ...
Views: 246 - Find Your Ground - by Submitted on Feb 17, 2020 from Rick HansonI've been to New Zealand, and really respect and like it. There's a Maori term - turangawaewae, "a place to stand" - that I've come back to many times. I'm sure I don't know the full meaning of the word in its cultural context. But at a basic level, it's clear that we all need a place to ...
Views: 228 - Be Amazed - by Submitted on Feb 10, 2020 from Rick HansonAs we move into 2019, here are my top five inner practices for helping this year be a good one for you and others (click the links to see the first four): Drop the stone Let it flow Learn as you go “Us” all “thems" Be amazed By “be amazed,” I mean staying open to a sense of ...
Views: 249 - Be Mind Full of Good - by Submitted on Feb 03, 2020 from Rick HansonWhat's in your mind? The Practice: Be mind full of good. Why? It's kind of amazing: right now, what you think and feel, enjoy and suffer, is changing your brain. The brain is the organ that learns, designed by evolution to be changed by our experiences: what scientists call ...
Views: 249 - Love Someone - by Submitted on Jan 27, 2020 from Rick HansonSometimes something happens. Perhaps your sweet old cat takes a turn for the worse, or there’s a money problem, or your son waves goodbye as he gets on a plane to start college on the other side of the country. Sometimes it’s on a larger scale: maybe there’s been an election and you’re grappling ...
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