If someone was asked to describe themselves, they could end up using a number of different adjectives. Furthermore, this could be a time when they use a number of different labels.

Now, if this was something that took place online, and they were able to look through what they had written, they might not be completely pleased with everything that has been listed. In fact, it could go even further than this and one might not feel very pleased with who they are.

A Tough Experience

Therefore, even though they might be happy with one or two of the things they have written down, they won’t be happy about the others. For a while now, these could be things that have negatively affected them.

This will stop them from feeling comfortable in their own skin and from being able to feel good about themselves. In addition to this, what they are like could be seen as what is stopping them from living a fulfilling life.

A Closer Look

When it came to how they described themselves, they may have listed some, if not all, of the following -

• That they are passive
• That they are anxious
• That they are fearful
• That they are a people pleaser
• That they find it hard to take action
• That they are not ambitious

A Disempowered Existence

If this, along with a number of other points is who they are, it is to be expected that they won’t be happy with themselves and will struggle to live a life that is worth living. The good traits that they do have will be overshadowed the bad traits that they have.

As far as they are concerned, this could just be what they are like and there could be absolutely nothing that they can do. After thinking about this, they could feel deeply helpless and hopeless.

Going Deeper, Way Deeper

However, what if how they see themselves is not actually who they are? What if how they see themselves is nothing more than a false-self that is the result of early trauma?

There is the chance that their early years were anything but nurturing, which stopped them from being able to develop in the right way. Thus, what they call their ‘personality’ will be nothing more than a consequence of what they went through as a child.

An Adaption

The trouble is that due to how long their life has been this way and as what they are like has become normal, they won’t be able to see that who they are is not really who they are. If their early years were different and they received the level of care that they needed, they would most likely be a very different person.

For them to embrace who they really are, they will have to let go of what they are not. It is partly through the process of letting go that they will be able to connect to their true-self.

Back In Time

When it comes to what took place during their early years, this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Instead of this being a time in their life when they were able to grow, it would have been a time when they had to do everything that they could to survive.

This would have meant that they had to disconnect for their true-self and to create a false-self. This self will be primarily focused on what is going on externally and it will also be there to keep their trauma at bay.

Weak Foundations

And as this self will be something that was created on top of their true-self, it will mean that it is not very strong. This self won’t be able to source anything from within and thus, it will be dependent on others for love, acceptance, support, power and safety.

To embrace their true-self, they will need to work through the layers and layers of pain that are inside them and they will need to be affirmed by supportive and loving others. The reason for this is that although their true-self is inside them, it is also in an undeveloped state.

Two Parts

Who they really are is hidden, chiefly because they didn’t receive the nurturance that they needed. But unlike when they were a child, they will now carry a lot of baggage and this is why they can’t just receive the right feedback and be on their way.

This is why this has to be a time of both letting go of what is not them and receiving what they need to receive for their inner self to grow. Without the letting go part of the equation, they would just create another false-self as opposed to embracing their true-self.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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